top of page
Search
Writer's pictureLana Abu Ayyash

What if I fell to the dark side?

Updated: Jun 28, 2022




"There is no point in being alive if you cannot do the deadlift"

- Jon Pall Sigmarsson



That is what I used to tell myself, even now. Funny thing though, I’m kinda alive, yet haven’t pulled a proper heavy ass Powerlifting style deadlift for quite a bit. Just to clarify; I do deadlift, around 65% of my 1RM, but that’s using your less than average slippery (if you can’t grip the bar what the hell) commercial bodybuilding bar. On an irregular, soft, uneven surface (bar does not sit straight and you pull diagonally, true story), and with plates that are too short, meaning I will be always pulling from a deficit. Too wrong and not conducive to training/ pulling very heavy loads, safety issues to start with.



An "easy" training day. Me taking 120 KG for a ride.



I miss pulling very heavy though. To give you an idea about the kinda heavy I’m talking about, it’s the “I’m about to faint, blackout” type. The “my legs are failing” type. Guys I swear I’m not being pretentious here, it’s just how it is.






I miss those moments of seclusion (I am a lone wolf if you haven’t yet guessed) when it’s just you and the barbell. You put those headphones in, close your eyes, give permission for 2PAC, DMX, and Metallica to mess up with your brain, and literally STARE ……. stare at the loaded bar; it terrifies the hell out of you, but also gives you an adrenaline rush, a purpose, a sense of freedom, power that is unlike anything else. You start chattering to yourself, reminding yourself of all the reasons why you should do this. Now you are pumped, fearless and ready …. you don’t think, you don’t hesitate, and you don’t lose focus for a fraction of a second, you ATTACK. The world suddenly vanishes, the lights go off. You give it your all, you reach in for that super human strength you never thought you had. And in seconds you are done, lights are back on. And it’s the rush, the high, the euphoria, but mostly the PRIDE, and you say to yourself “I wanna do this till the day i die”.


Powerlifting is not a sport that you “do”. You don’t do powerlifting, you become powerlifting. But here is where things get gritty folks, what happens if for whatever reason you lose it?


You lose a part of yourself, you have this identity crisis, and you’re like “what am I now, just another chick in the gym”? it sucks ... BIG time …. BUT it’s also humbling. And humbling y’all isn’t something I thought I’d ever ever ever be grateful for.




This is not about Chris Bumstead:



That beard tho


Ok it kinda is, but it also ain’t


First, for those of you who don’t know – which I assume is everyone - Powerlifters are snobs. They are the strongest athletes out there and they now it and they rub your face with it. And when it comes to bodybuilding/ bodybuilders powerlifters are like “those dudes in bikins”. Fitness/ bodybuilding/ aesthetic focused ANYTHING for powerlifters is like the “other” side, the “dark side”, the side I never thought I’d move into but I did, and I did (I know I know, first world problem no one cares)


The awesome thing about the whole experience – sorry Yoda – is that it’s not a compensation for powerlifting but a whole new animal to experiment with, to push and challenge myself, to see what I’m made of. I’m loving the whole learning curve (I’m actually asking people for tips and letting them teach me stuff, humbling enough when you’ve coached elite athletes for years), writing down meal plans (haven’t picked one yet), tweaking and trying out new exercises …etc and I am friggin… lovin it. I’m not gonna lie, I cannot wait for the day when I’M BACK under the bar. But till then, I’m in a cool spot, and I’m excited to see where this path may take me.



So where does CBUM fit in?




Not just because he is big, insanely muscular (Mr. Olympia himself y'all), strong and hotter than the sun. Not because I'm obsessed with his videos (shirts on/ shirts off), but because CBUM (and a few other freak shows - Dorian Yates anyone? ) made me feel something important, RESPECT, for the sport, the hard-work, the pain, the dedication and the BEAUTY.


And I want a slice of that cake, I set myself some goals and I have exactly 60 days to get there.



For those of you who care … to be continued …



I'll leave you with this now:










37 views

Recent Posts

See All
Post: Blog2 Post
bottom of page