'Privilege is invisible to those who have it'
Fiona Smith
Him: What are you talking about? I think Turkish people are the most generous and kind I have ever met.
Me: Of course they are! You are white, male, Western, and well off (at least in the Turkish standard), you are among the most privileged human population to walk the earth today. This white, male privilege, not to mention “Western privilege” has a whole branch of social studies dedicated to it.
Let me first address a misunderstanding that is inevitably to occur; White privilege does not mean that you do not struggle; it means that you do not deal with the struggles of racial discrimination in a world built on institutionalized racism. It is also not the assumption that everything a white person has accomplished is unearned; most white people who have reached a high level of success worked extremely hard to get there. You are not inherently flawed or wrong. You do, however, benefit from systems that grant advantages to those who are white/ western more so than people of color”
The nature of being born into privilege is that YOU DON’T SEE IT, any more than a black African individual who has never seen a white person before would think of skin color. As is always the case with anything that is outside ourselves or conscious understanding, it would be asking too much of privileged people to put themselves in the shoes of those who are less privileged by whatever mean, but at least acknowledge what you don’t friggin get, not to mention what a great injustice it would be to deny people the right to their struggles and pain. Back to the subject at hand, let’s ask a foreigner who has very limited means, an Indian, a black woman, a Kurd or an Arab about their experience in Turkey. Equally, let’s ask a woman who does not fit into the docile/ damsel in distress box, who stands on equal grounds with men, more precisely one that does not use the ancient old “female weaponry” to navigate men and the world.
I know I know what ya’ll be saying, Being half Arab, I have no business talking about Turkish society being racist, sexist, and prejudiced, because change names and locations, Arabs are just as bad and may at times be worse. See when It comes to humanity/ morality, I don’t associate as Arab, only human whose humanity takes different colors, genders, and forms. I also don’t believe in race, borders, countries, states …etc you can criticize Arabs, Jordanians, Circassians ..etc till the cows get home, as long as they deserve it, I am cheering for ya.
I know I said a few days ago that I am beginning to question my decision to stay in Datça for the remainder of summer, but then I also mentioned that I’m the queen of haste. Nice and chill the past two days (as in a jacket in the early morning), I was like: maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to stay here a while after all. Up until I hit the gym of course.
I have mentioned before that I used to have some real anger management issues; easy to anger with a serious aggressive streak, I would fearlessly lash out without any consideration to consequences, it didn’t help that I am also physically strong, as it gave me extra confidence. A decision to re-invent myself I decided to dig deep into the calmer and more forgiving me, un-shackle her, get rid of the anger and aggression, I have no need for it, there are better ways to face problems. I am happy to say I am probably and genuinely 80% calmer, and definitely more patient and forgiving (I need to be picky with that however, for I have realized some people don’t deserve an iota of understanding) but today at the gym, I could not contain myself, and it took everything I had to stop me from lashing out at the whole gym staff, I am glad I did as they are nice people and I like them, but I could not contain the fire raging inside as I stormed outside the gym curSing everyone – kinda loudly. Gosh what the heat can do to you. Seriously if you think about it, we pay 600 tl a month for a friggn one room gym. Today I was literally boiling inside, 15 minutes into my workout I was drenched, my hair was wet and I could not bring my temperature down, and because I know better, I stopped, health risk. The dudes around of course were not as bothered, but then 99% of people’s workouts are a walk in the park, I do a tough routine and today it was triple sets. I did not want today’s workout to be ruined, i am leaving tomorrow and will be away from the gym AGAIN for 8 days.
Beautiful beautiful Datca
I was also pretty taken aback by how busy it got in Datça, all the while everyone is telling me the fun has not yet begun, and as Burcu proclaimed it will be “çok insan” during July and August. Even the bus was packed, I had to stand the whole time, and of course the pushing and shoving, not to mention the endless queues at grocery stores. It’s really wimpy of me to talk about crowds coming from Istanbul, but I guess a month and a half of pure blissful peace and solitude messed up my brain.
Same day: 5 hours back
It was one of those mornings, I woke up as usual before dawn, made myself a HUGE cup of coffee and went outside, not gonna share what I do in those wee hours, some things should remain private, some secrets well kept. I dunno for how long precisely, 3 hours maybe, but I stayed in place till the sun came out fully, beautifully, graciously.
Exactly two months before I arrived to Datca I knew I was in a crisis of some sorts, not a crisis anyone would recognize, as I was doing well, but because I know me, I know what I want – in general terms – I know what I accept/ tolerate/ aspire to and what I don’t, the feeling that whatever it is I have been seeking when I made that leap of faith and moved to Istanbul was not accomplished, I didn’t like my life, I didn’t like my surroundings, and I did not want to fit. So again I decided to do my “it’s time to re-invent myself”, something I do every few years. For days on end I sat in café’s paper and pen in hand working on this. I wrote and wrote and wrote, and I woke and woke and woke. And when the mind was set, like honestly honestly set, the universe conspired and schemed in ways I did not expect, and here I am, walking the path in ways I never thought possible, experiencing what was before unimaginable.
Yesterday I left the house too early for the first bus heading to the town center, so I hailed a random village bus I saw on the way, I’ll ask the driver to just drop me as close as possible. A few meters and 8 dudes, blue collar, shabby, obviously poverty stricken hopped in, one guy came and sat next to me. I don’t normally notice people, for I am rarely interested, but I notice the outcasts always. Something about those guys got my attention, they had this air, an energy I know all too well, I could smell the inferiority complex, I can feel it in their energy. Now the guy sitting next to me calls his mate …. in plain Egyptian Arabic (although people assume all Arabs are just one thing, they are not and our language differs) ….I never heard anyone speak Arabic in Datça before, and Egyptians! so of course I interrupted their speech – I did not wait for them to finish – with equal (less proficient though)
Egyptian Arabic, a chat ensues. They were here for a job and will head back home afterward. Them being Arabs first and Egyptians second solved the “air of inferiority complex” thing for me, where I come from a woman like me would never dream lower her standards and associate/ speak to a bunch of poor Egyptian men, in our society they are literally considered sub-human.
They get off the bus, and there seems to be a problem with them not having enough change, promptly to be solved after one of them searches his pockets, they get off ….. and hell breaks loose in the bus, the driver and passengers start bad-mouthing them with pure disgust, EVERYONE shares in the attack and then the taxi driver almost spitting utters “Suriye”. An air of revulsion infests the bus now so thick I can cut it with a knife.
After the gym I called on Fabi and Brant for coffee and to say goodbye, as they will be leaving while I am away from Datça (a different province actually). An hour stretched to almost 4, always a fun and fruitful conversation. Fabi again showed me around the tiny house, going through EVERYTHING, I was amazed at how tidy and incredibly meticulous almost OCD like Fabi is, of course the fact that she lived/ worked on a boat/ ship for 7 years made her the epitome of efficiency especially in small cramped spaces. It took all I got to focus (I have little patience for such details) I really want to deliver this woman’s house back as good I received it (if I stay in Datça that is). Left to my own accord I AM A MESS, a destroyer of all things. BUT and this is a big but, I am a super responsible person, I take my “amanet” to heart.
I’ll say one thing about myself though, I hate clutter, when I am living permanently in a house, you’ll never see drawers, closets or anything EVER stacked, there is never rubbish, every single thing I have has a need and purpose so that I would know the exact position of anything and everything in the house. For example, if a pair of scissors were not to be found in its designated drawer, it means it ain’t in the house. This is why I don’t own too much stuff, I cannot handle excess. And a big something I don’t share with the members of the softer sex, is that I don’t have many clothes, my clothes would fit easily in a few drawers, and I only have the shoes I wear and if for instance there were items of clothing I have not worn for a few months I give them to charity, not wearing something for a long time means I don’t need it. Needless to say then, I only shop when I really need something, I rarely buy something just because I fancy it, I might but it’s not a habit. Clothes shopping is something of torture for me, I hate it. Although I wouldn’t mind vintage stores, books, records, food, antiques …ete.
Another thing I mentioned in my last blog that was bullocks is my food, well today and yesterday I went liver crazy. Crispy liver dripping in butter, damn it was good. I also had a tiny bit of veggies and fruits and was like, that’s enough Again In total harmony with what my body want.
I just wish my body would end its strike against red meat. Red meat is life y’all!
Time to get back to work, I am cleaning the house, washing EVERYTHING, and getting ready for my uber early adventure (no wifi there by the way) tomorrow, wish me luck
One thing I can say though, is I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo un-prepared, as in prepared NOTHING, yet I did not forget to buy THIS!
To be continued …..