"Write like you talk, Informal language is the athletic clothing of ideas"
Lana: Ok, here is what’s what, we co-exist harmoniously, respect each other’s boundaries and try to make this work. I will give you what you want and you save me from utter destruction in return
Black monster: you got it dude (speech bubble: gosh mom you are pathetic)
Lana: No leash, park every day, you get to eat all the junk and wreck all the havoc you want there, daily marrow bones, peanut butter stuffed Kong thrice a week, all the leftovers, cuddles and hugs 30 times a day, 98% of bed space.
Now your end of the bargain: I get to go to the park EARLY, so no dogs, I get to enjoy an uninterrupted quiet time, gazing at my lady (Hagia Sofia YO), and you allow me 2 hours of focused work at home every day without sitting on my laptop. Capeesh?
Black Bulldozer: Capeesh? Is that edible?
Lana: Ateş, serious now!
My Turkish bully: Tamam
OH … MY … GOD! As I sit in a café with (I’m just a sucker for pain) playing in the background, I look up my last blog and it dates July 2nd, 2022. Holly of hollies, how am I ever gonna catch up, I mean other than having the same landlord - yep DIY hair piece and all – everything has changed.
1- I lost my English language prowess … nope, not to Türkçe, as I’m still loitering in the “Yok” category. My survival here is based solely upon my dumbing down my English to infant levels. My Arabic has lost its pizazz as well. If you are thinking what kinda mess I got myself into, ya know because I am a writer by profession (being a part-time BadAss does not count), well you are right!
2- I am not vegan anymore, I will make this long story short in a later blog
3- My perception of the word “dog” has changed for eternity
4- My suspicions, well more like the undying belief that the rat race and corporate ladder ain’t my thang were confirmed. See I started working for this Turkish company as a writer and two months into my sojourn I was promoted to Marketing manager (My boss said the decision hit him the moment he saw me, yep muscle T and all, and that he was “grooming” me for the position). And that ladies and dudes was not in my – get in – make some money – then run for your life – plan. I can honestly write a whole book about that experience. One thing I need to mention here though, that company was the definition of “shady”, the owners were a gang or a mob or something, gold chains, drugs and all, and part of the work we did was illegal. It was fun at first being the female of the pack until it wasn’t. In the end, I got myself another job – luckily remote – and I said Adios.
5- In my new job, I started as a content creator/ brand strategist (my experience in mafia land paid off big time), two weeks into my new job the CEO started talking about making me the Marketing manager, and as I write this today, in his head I probably am. The biggest deja vu moment ever. Here is where it gets uber weird though, my current CEO and my ex-CEO have the same name, wait there is more, my direct boss now and my ex-boss also have the same name, and my current company is not even Turkish, not to mention that in both scenarios they are brothers. Make of that whatever you wish, but it is weird
6- I am killing it at the gym more than ever. Rocking some serious muscles, ripped and all.
7- My dream of living the life of an impoverished writer in Istanbul has turned into an impoverished content writer/ brand strategist/ marketing director/ jack of all trades in Istanbul.
8- I still don’t speak Turkish or have any Turkish friends. I mean I know the bakkal, janitors at my gym, a few homeless dudes, some gypsies, 4 stray dogs, my neighbor although he speaks not a word of English, all the butchers in the Beyoglu area …etc, we exchange pleasantries – in sign language – but all my friends are foreigners and we live inside our personal bubbles inside a bigger bubble called Cihangir (Jihangir)
8.5 - My laptop has Turkish windows, I work on my laptop every day, and I still got no clue what anything means. At this point you are probably thinking I am dumb, I am not, I am actually very intelligent.
9- My Landlord has been trying to kick me out of the house forever, filed a lawsuit, threatened to call the police …etc cute guy. He wants me out in order to put my flat on Airbnb, he has no shame
10- I still adore Istanbul; and just like a tourist, I am wandering around (every single day, seriously), always discovering new stuff. I wanna live here – fingers crossed – but my perception of the country and its people has completely changed.
11- I wanna go on a road trip around Turkey, and yes my bulldozer will probably accompany me. I did that a few years back, I flew from Amman to Ankara, rented a car, and drove all the way to the black sea (stopping in small villages and a few cities on the way) and drove along its cost. The most amazing trip, the best scenery I have seen in my life, the kindest people – I wonder if they have changed though – best food; it was 2 weeks of pure bliss. I am still in the wishful thinking phase, but I am here and I will do it.
12- Shall I mention the inflation? The irony of coming to live in a “cheap” country and ending up, well let’s skip the drama. To give you an idea, a cup of coffee when I first landed here was around 20 tl now it can reach up to 65 and is normally 50ish. I came here with the promise that a decent flat would cost anything from 3000 – 5000 tl and now don’t dream of finding anything for less than 20000. Did I bring the inflation with me? Because it is a coincidence don’t you think?
13- Last, I decided I want to write a new book, I sooooooooooooooooooo want to. And I am super excited that I am super excited.
If you read this far I thank you from all my heart. Please drop me a line I would like to know you, I am actually curious.
To be continued ….