I think I’ve found my calling …. Ok, my second calling!
Who said you could only do one thing?
Ironically, I did ….I admit, I am notoriously a one-thing kinda person. As someone who is all about mastery; I pick my one medicine (actually it’s the other way around, it finds me), narrow down on it, and go all the way, hitting milestone after another, allowing no distractions. I don’t jump around; I don’t do a gazillion things. This is where in powerlifting for example – as in life -or “The gym”, I kept going/ improving when everyone around me wavered. And make no mistake; I am still expanding, learning, getting stronger and better. The long haul people, the long haul!
Coming here, my mind flirted with the idea of water sports. In a grossly cold and rainy Istanbul, the promise of sun and sea were darn seductive. Surprisingly, 5 weeks in, and I have not ventured inside the sea once, yep, I have not even swum, the farthest I went was to dip my limbs. Not out of fear, of course, I am an excellent swimmer. For some reason, the appeal of water sports waned fast, I think the fact – call me naïve I really didn’t know - that everything turned out to be shockingly expensive is a huge factor, it put me off, I didn’t even want to try.
See my messed up brain hates extravagance, I believe everything in life has a cost; some things might excite you, but eat up at your heart and soul. I like to live by my truth, and my truth is: the more simply and humbly I do things, the better it elevates and nurtures “me” body, mind, and soul. I am no stoic though, I indulge at times, and I’m a girl who knows how to enjoy a bit of luxury, but that's not who I chose to be.
Now there are things in the sea – just like on land – which I will never consider: jet- skis and all noisy machines. Of course, I get why people love them, but for me, the cost to the environment and marine life is too much to ignore. They cause deafness and even death to aquatic animals; they are notorious for accelerating the rate of extinction of endangered water species, so I’ll have a rain check on that.
Home is where the soul is
“May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart may desire. May joy and peace surround you, contentment latch your door, and happiness be with you now and bless you evermore.” – Irish proverb
Home … an elusive term … What does it even mean? How does it feel to have/ find a home? I never knew, even as a child … I always felt homeless, but not in a sociopathic/psychopathic way (jeez) ….
Ironically in Turkey, a country I wholeheartedly loved, the feeling of otherness, of foreignness, became a world of its own. I fought this realization so hard though, I did not want to admit the fact; that I didn’t belong, neither to country (I differentiate however between a country as history and culture and land as earth and sky) nor to people, and may never will. I thought maybe I am being arrogant/ judgemental/ hasty. None of the above, the way I see it now is, I don’t have to belong, I can humbly, humanely, and with the utmost respect co-exist.
Everywhere is God’s earth. Countries and borders are mere human inventions, we may submit to them by force but we don’t have to accept them.
Living your truth/ convictions no matter how alienating is better than sugarcoating reality. And as long as I live my life with humility and non-transgression, my life is nobody’s business but mine.
For those reading who struggle with living authentically, I’ll tell you this, in general, people could care less what you do or how you live your life, seriously, I find folks occupy their brain too much with the idea of “I don’t give a fu ..” trying to prove to themselves and the world that they don’t care what others think …. breath, In reality, people care so much less than you think … if you keep saying to yourself: I don’t want to think about the white elephant, all you are going to think about is the white elephant, so just live your life on your own terms, no one cares really, so don’t waste your time and energy fighting ghosts.
What do I talk about when I talk about mountains?
As a life- long “homeless” creature, I have no business preaching to anyone what a home is and isn’t. Merriam-Webster Dictionary – defines a home as one’s place of residence; domicile; or house.
A quick Google and you’ll get an endless barge of definitions, from the material to the spiritual to the outward wacky.
“It’s the intangible feeling you get in a location, a sense of peace, joy from loved ones or an environment where everyone knows they’re welcome. “Home” isn’t easy to define, but you know when you’re there”
I don’t know about the first part, but I think I know the latter: “You know when you’re there” and I think, I guess, I kinda bet, sorta positive I did …. And it’s of all things “The mountains”, boy how did that even happen?
Of all the places and spaces, wild and urban – and now my newfound undying love, infatuation, and adoration for the sea - I’ve loved and thought would give me that sense of “arriving”, it is up there on the peaks where I felt I belong, fit, dissolve and melt. It was “just right”, like the perfect ratio of 90% bitter cacao, maple syrup and sea salt. And like gentle tide waves a sense of peace and utter joy seeped into my whole being, filling every nook and cranny.
Yes, I felt so free, so strong, so me, so EVERYTHING, but that wasn’t “just it” …. It is that I knew in the heart of my heart that those mountain peaks are where I come from, belong to, and will return. To add some pizazz to this whole ordeal: mountains run in my blood, it is where my ancestors came from, Mount Elbrus peak in the Caucasus, it is the symbol of the struggle and survival of my people, it is home of the Adiga …. we are mountain folks through and through. Needless to say, I spent many days of my wanna-be human goat experience hiking and just hanging out, from one peak to another, in the mountains, never descending, and I loved every bit of it.
One thing I never knew and it blew my head off was how still and quiet it was there, no, not being in a forest type of quiet, it is the “you can hear NOTHING” sort of quiet, everything seizes to exist, no birds chirping, no insect sound, nothing …complete stillness.
Powerlifting the mountains
I found my new sport y’all ….
If you are a gym/ powerlifting freak, you know that feeling after a kickass workout or in my case the bestest Deadlift ever. In my many years of lifting, I’m 99.9% happiest post-gym, my spirits are so high, I’m floating, you might even catch me smiling to myself.
Now add a bunch of steroids to that and there ya go how I felt two days ago, the end of (Day 4) after descending a rocky, steep mountain as strong and as fast as I could. You’d think that after hours of physical exertion, under the scorching sun, when I still have an hour’s crawl back home I’d be dead … nope, I was euphoric, I was so pumped that I almost ran the whole distance. I was burning with energy that it took me almost 25 minutes only to get back.
I love rocks, boulders ya’ll, and I didn’t know that you could love such things. I would only want to climb/ descend the rockiest and sharpest terrains (as in it tore my skin, shoes, clothes, and back bag).
I’m so digging the fact that I’m approaching it like I approach a serious training session. Which is to learn/ develop the skill/ get my body accustomed to the movement/ perfect it.
I start by taking a challenging route, the steepest and rockiest. Second, what I call blackout focus, for me it is the zone where I shut the whole world and drown myself in that magical state of pure presence, I train the skill gently pushing my boundaries and fear thresholds …. I take bigger strides on the descent, jump a little, and do what a week ago would have been unthinkable … calculated, smart risks.
I finally found another sport I LOVE that is so engaging to both mind and body, so challenging, verging on the edge of dangerous (remember powerlifting is basically lifting loads that can crush you), BUT in the midst of that wild and rugged nature I so adore.
So what does that mean for me other than the obvious?
A whole new prospect in life, my vision of the future, where I wanna go, what I wanna do, how am I to live …etc
There is no going back. Not in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that one day I will decide to train/ save money and plan a life of mountains and hikes.
The plan so far: using the months I will be residing in Datça to train (climbing and hiking, I’ll seek professional help too), save money (gear and equipment (shoes to start with) and travel expenses), and plan my dream journey of climbing/ hiking the Turkish mountains and rugged terrains.
Diaries of a Wanna be goat
Day 2
If I only knew I will be climbing for days I would not have annihilated myself with deadlifts ALL week.
Because by moving (moving again tomorrow even further away), I will - no matter how hard I try --miss workouts. So I went AWOL with deadlifts, 4 days in a row, hitting PRs .... thrilling, intoxicating, but so taxing on the legs and knees of course. I Had no idea then that I will be starting a whole new adventure that will require every bit of muscle and joint power.
I started off very early, to catch the first light. It’s getting hotter and the sun becomes oppressive as early as 9:00, but first the sea. It was a little chill, waves were crashing, roaring, defining, just the way I like it … it was marvelous.
I sat on the rocks adoringly gazing at the horizon up until the sun began to gently cast light and warmth on everything. Unable to depart with the sea still, I did what has become my signature sea trend, I just lay there, facing the waves, allowing the sun to sit on my back, I just love it.
Done with my sea worship session, the task of the day was to climb up steep hills (not mountains) as fast as I could, aided by my hands or what I like to call Spider-Man style. I did that until I felt my quads were about to fall apart and my toes twisted and hurt. Love hurts y’all, love hurts.
Sojourn over, I gathered what was left of my strength, walked back home, ate like a horse, showered, like a cat, took the bus to town, and headed to the gym … what? I have an upper body to train yo!
To be continued ….