Eddie: Datça needs your energy Lana, we want you back, I and Leo will do what we can to set you up here again.
I have been getting messages from friends back in Datça, and it overwhelmed me that after almost 5 months, me being busy here in Amman, closing the Turkey chapter forever, and drifting away from all the good friends and AWESOME people I met in Datça the moment I start to have second thoughts about going back to Turkey people are reaching out to me. Even in Istanbul, the few friends I kept in contact with are urging me to come back, it’s always heart-warming to feel missed, to know that there are people (I left Istanbul 9.5 months ago) who still miss you and want you back in their lives (and voice it). I was suddenly flooded with a sense of belonging and gratitude.
I wish there was some sort of angel or a trained pooch who would follow me around taking notes.
To write is to constantly think in sentences and paragraphs, ideas flutter inside your brain, mostly at unassuming times. Regrettably, word fairies call on me during my daily dog walks! What I’d give to freeze those words or shackle them until I get my hands on some paper and pen.
My Neil Gaiman:
“Muse: a person, or an imaginary being or force that gives someone ideas and helps them to write, paint, or make music, in ancient Greek and Roman stories, it is one of nine goddesses who were believed to give encouragement in different areas of literature, art, and music”
What is/ who is my muse? Top secret… no one, as in absolutely no one spills the beans about all the paranormal activities (I am a total Neil Gaiman fanatic) taking place in the writing world, but I’ll tell ya that ranchement j'ai été surprise
Sunrise/ Sunset/ Apples and Oranges:
I ADORE the sun, although I abhor heat, not cut for that life. I am a mountain gal, a descendant of tough, rugged men who made the mountains their homeland (Адыгэ Хэку). I am proud – you can say snobbish - of this heritage, I mean come on it is Badass and makes a good story to tell dudes at the gym, of course, it makes no difference whatsoever that my mom (who made this heritage possible) is the couchest of couch potatoes, who wakes up at noon and spends her waking hours watching Turkish series (a trend that ain’t going out of style anytime soon) and avoiding healthy food like it’s her job
Chasing the sun is an obsession of mine. A day that begins with witnessing our lady as she fills the world with light/ life is a good day. It is not so easy in Amman though. Like the majority of city dwellers, Ammani’s love brick and mortar, they prefer their houses big, and their buildings high. The sky, horizon, and sun are of no value, so finding a spot to capture a sunrise/set is a deliberate affair that requires some effort.
Now Sunrise and Sunset are two completely different animals. The rhythm of the universe shifts between one and the other. So there are sunrise people and there are sunset people (don’t worry you can be both)
When our mighty güneş arrives, she brings along a new promise, igniting us with energy and vigor, the message is wake up, capture your dreams. Do better, and be better. Sunrise is also a personal experience, a journey back to you. In my tradition, the “Baraka” or “Bereket” in Turkish is distributed in the wee hours before and right after “Fajr” aka Dawn. There is a deep sense of wholeness and belonging when your heart beats with the whole universe, and when you are enmeshed in this wondrous vastness, and majesty (Jalal in Arabic)
On the other hand, sunsets – not easy for a lone wolf like yours truly to admit to – are better shared. Sunsets are romantic, the whole scene exudes love and intimacy. The energy is exotic, sensual, and outstandingly beautiful. There is no let’s get up and hussle, you are not thinking about your goals … you are retreating into the soul of the earth, into another’s heart/ embrace.
The fight or flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening. The perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee.
So I take Bruno, the family dog, and a super duper adorable big baby on daily walks, we set out at dawn as you’d do to catch an early flight. Most of the time I take him to this empty lot of land, huge, abandoned, and infested with all sorts of weeds and bushes. I want him to dog, as in be a dog for a while, especially since he is a retriever. The area is always empty, save for a few cats whom he loves to chase. Today and for the first time ever I heard him bark, so very unusual, for if it was a hooman he is too friendly to bark, and if it was a cat or a small animal he would chase it to death. I went to take a look, Bruno was nervous and completely frozen as if an invisible wall stood between him and that which he was barking at.
I tried to decipher what was going on, but it was pitch black I could hardly even see my golden boy. And of course, me being me, my fight instinct kicked in, and without thinking I went to see what was frightening the poor fella, Bruno did not move, I kept going, and for some weird reason, I felt obliged to face whatever was laying there, that nothing should frighten me, that I can and will protect the big hairy sharp-toothed canine behind me (I once jerked Max who was a strong dog behind my back as a stray dog attacked, though between him and me I was the weaker link). Then it hit me, why the hell do I need to do that, I can see zilch, I am DEFENCELESS, this could be a snake or a scorpion, and I could get “unnecessarily hurt”, besides, experience taught me time and time again that those impulses of mine always put me in trouble.
It took me a while to fight that urge, but I eventually did. Honestly, I cannot count the times I put myself in harm’s way, and in a weird complicated situation, just because I felt it was necessary that I don’t back off and face IT (face what for God’s sake). I am not speaking about hypothetical danger like in relationships and life (I suck here badly) but in real physically dangerous situations, like walking in a dark shady alley at night, risking falls, injury …etc I mean WHAT THE HELL, funny thing, that till this very day when the new and wise me suddenly emerged, I have never even thought about it (my brain is made of cheese, Manchego). Maybe I should ask Jordan Peterson, no wait, I cannot do that, we broke up, and I dumped the sexy dude forever.
To be continued .....